


Nick x June AU Potpourri

by Dystopian_Dramaqueen, thismidnight



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV), The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:35:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22561858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dystopian_Dramaqueen/pseuds/Dystopian_Dramaqueen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thismidnight/pseuds/thismidnight
Summary: Soapy one-shots and ficlets. Mostly smut.**CHAPTER 14 is new- Ghosts update**
Relationships: Nick Blaine/June Osborne | Offred
Comments: 35
Kudos: 76





	1. Hot Mess Dad-To-Be Nick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Gilead AU- Nick and June are safe in Canada with Holly. They are expecting their second child any day now and Nick is a human disaster.

Nick counts the seconds in silence, eyes fixed on the second hand of his wrist watch.

When June hisses in a breath and whimpers, Nick’s eyebrows cinch together. He scribbles this interval down, along with the time, scowling at the list in his hand. “Eight minutes, thirty two seconds” he says, shaking his head. “Thirty seconds less than the last round. They’re coming quicker June, we should go.”

June is finishing her lamaze breathing as the contraction subsides, and she leans back into her nest of pillows on the couch, rubbing her huge belly. “Go where?” she asks. 

Nick’s eyes clench shut along with his fists, which he forces back open as he draws a slow calming breath. “The _hospital_.”

June shakes her head, yawning. “It’s too early. This part took 12 hours with Hannah. 6 with Holly. We should stay here where it’s comfy and I can have snacks.” She reaches next to her, grabbing a fist full of popcorn and munching contentedly.

Nick is vibrating with intensity. Trying to watch his tone, his words- trying not to make his terror too obvious. But he is completely out of his comfort zone here. Birth is a medical event that can go very wrong very quickly- and he has no medical training. He’s never even seen a delivery before and it’s been years since his last CPR class so he wants- he NEEDS to get June to professionals as soon as possible. _Better safe than sorry_ he keeps thinking. 

“The book said babies come quicker with each pregnancy June, she could come any time now” he says, checking his watch again. 

June smiles, overcome with affection for the nervous father to be. Realizing it’s his first time through any of this. “We’ve got plenty of time sweetie. We can go when my water breaks.”

Nick nods, the wrinkle between his brows growing deeper. He sighs and sits by June’s feet, jumping back up seconds later when June grabs her stomach and winces again. 

\------------------------------------------

Nick leans out the window of his car, leaning on the horn with his right hand, cussing out someone who’d passed them by driving on the shoulder. He shakes his head. Looking quickly at June and taking her hand. Trying to relax his face into a reassuring smile. “Sorry.” 

June smiles and strokes his hand. “It’s ok. You’re doing perfect. Thanks for driving.” Nick looks at her, his mind swimming with terror. He’s thinking now of everything that could go wrong. _Women die in childbirth. I wouldn’t survive that. Life wouldn’t be worth living without her. And God what if something happens to the baby..._

Nick’s eyes snap to the road as the cars finally start moving again. He blinks away the unbidden worry, happy to be moving again. 

June winces as another contraction starts, and Nick is leaning on the horn again. 

\--------------------------------------

Nick enters the hospital, all of June’s bags slung over his shoulders, pushing her in a wheelchair. He strides quickly to the nursing station, planting both hands on the desk and talking a mile a minute to the clerk, who barely looks up. 

“This is June Osborne, date of birth February 16th 1984. She’s contracting every five minutes for the last half hour, she says the pain’s bearable but she’s really tough so you may want to check that too. I need to talk to her doctor, I have a copy of her birth plan ready and….”

The clerk plops a clipboard down in front of him, along with a pen. “Sign in, please.”

Nick scoffs. “My wife is having a _baby_ , we don’t have time for this!”

The clerk shoots Nick a look. “Sir, everyone in this hospital is having a baby. I’m going to need for you to take a deep breath. Please have a seat. We’ll be right with you.”

Nick scoops up the clipboard, scowling at the clerk. He returns to June. “They said they’ll uh, be right with us.” 

June nods, taking his hand. Reassuring him. 

\--------------------------------

Once she’s settled in her hospital room, Nick loses the tiny shred of composure he’d been clinging to. His worry that they wouldn’t make it to the hospital on time has been replaced by abject terror at what was about to happen. He couldn’t believe that June was alone - the monitors recording her growing contractions. Shouldn’t there be a crowd of professionals to make sure everything went smoothly? On a particularly bad contraction, he holds her hand and knocks the monitor off her belly. The screens go blank as the electrical signal from the baby falls flat. Nick presses the call button in a panic and runs to get the nurse. By the time they get back, June has the monitor back in place, her heartbeat and the baby’s right where they should be. 

June and the nurse exchanged worried looks. The nurse suggests that Nick take a nap, get some rest while he can. She gets him some juice and a blanket and within 15 minutes he’s curled up on the tiny hospital couch, dead asleep. June settles back against the pillows with her ipod and closes her eyes, glad to get some rest between contractions. 

\-------------------------------

When June transitions into active labor, Nick is by her side. The nap had done him good. He's completely in the moment and focused on June. He comforts her, helping her do the breathing exercises they’d been practicing for 9 months. He says all the right things to help get her through the delivery. 

And then his world changes forever. After a particularly hard push, the delivery room is silent. June no longer screaming, the nurses circled around the base of the bed, ushering their tiny bundle to the warmer. The silence is broken by a sharp series of cries. Nick smiles, and releases the breath he was holding. The sound is an impossible relief. _She’s ok. She’s breathing._ He turns to June, taking her hand and smiling. 

June blinks sleepily. “You should go watch. They’re gonna get her dressed and take her vital signs, but she’ll be looking for us. Nick nods and moves to comply, but June's pulling at his hand. “Oh…” June says. “Take your shirt off. We’re supposed to do skin to skin as soon as possible, it’s good for bonding.” Nick is unbuttoning his polo shirt with shaking hands as he crosses the room tentatively, standing behind the group of nurses. 

The baby’s eyes are open, blinking widely and he’s not sure if it’s his imagination, but they seem to lock on his, like she recognizes him. 

Once the baby is dry and wrapped, the nurses pick her up and place her in Nick's waiting arms. He moves his whole body, curling around her, pulling her blanket down with the tip of his index finger so he can see her tiny face. “Hey Sweetheart…” he whispers instinctively, his eyes shimmering with tears. “I’m your daddy.” 

The baby blinks, staring back up into Nick’s loving gaze. 

Nick walks slowly to the bedside, leaning down so he can place the baby in June’s arms. “This is your mama.”

He smiles, tears flowing freely down his face. More full of joy in that moment than he ever would be again.


	2. Paradise. (Surfer Nick)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June finds herself alone in Hawaii as her marriage falls apart. She rediscovers her sexuality and sense of self through a sexual relationship with a tall dark handsome stranger.

June hates airplanes. All she wants to do is sleep. She pulls down her tiny window shade, but blinding sunlight still pours in from all of the other windows. She slips on her sunglasses and adjusts her neck pillow with a sigh. She prays silently for the stewardess to come back quickly so she can get a second glass of wine. Her first glass is gone, and did nothing to take the edge off her horrible mood. 

June flips her phone over on the tray table in front of her, opening her text messages and re-reading her fight with Luke for the hundredth time that day. 

**J:** The fuck do you mean you’re not coming?

 **L:** Look, I have no choice. If I don’t go to this conference, I'll lose my job. 

**J:** We planned this anniversary trip a YEAR AGO! We never see each other anymore! Do I mean NOTHING to you?

 **L:** You’re being ridiculous. 

**J:** Fuck you. I’m going anyway. 

**L:** What???!!!

 **J:** I’m going anyway. I’ll cancel your ticket. But I need this. I’m going to Hawaii.

 **L:** Wow. Ya know you really are crazy sometimes. 

**J:** Whatever. See you next week. 

\---------------------------------

After checking into her room at the resort, June decides to head straight for the beach. She dresses in the skimpy pink bikini and blue and white striped cover-up she'd bought for the occasion. She fills her beach bag with sunscreen, her i-pod and a trashy romance novel. She leaves her phone in the room. Because _Fuck Luke._ She doesn't want any real world bullshit to ruin her first day of vacation. 

The beach isn't as busy as she thought it would be. The beach itself is mostly deserted except for a row of white beach chairs facing the water. The sand is white and the ocean is turquoise and calm except for the waves gently lapping the shore. Tall palm trees sway in the breeze, and fluffy white clouds dot the deep blue sky.

_It's paradise._

June picks an empty lounge chair and drops her beach bag next to it. She spreads out her towel, reapplies her sunscreen, and takes off her cover-up. She lays on her back, popping in her ear buds. She scrolls to her "Summer of 69" playlist- all songs about the beach. She'd never been on a tropical vacation before. She'd made several playlists, several pinterest boards- she'd been planning this trip all year and looking forward to it. A spark of rage flares in her heart when she remembers that Luke flaked out at the last minute. She can't say she's surprised- they hadn't had a single date in over a year. Their marriage was hanging by a thread. But to come up with an excuse for missing this trip was crossing a line. She's sick of being his last priority. What does it mean if she can't even get him to come on a vacation with her?

June sighs, shaking her head to clear it of the angst. She draws a few deep breaths, letting the music calm her. Focusing on the warmth of the sunlight on her skin. She drifts off into a peaceful sleep. 

\----------------------------------

When she wakes up, she's drooling. She feels like she's been asleep for a year. She quickly wipes the corner of her mouth, adjusting her sunglasses and blinking her eyes open. She yawns deeply, stretching her arms. She flips over to sun her back.

"Boys of Summer" by Don Henley comes on. June cracks an eye open when she hears loud boisterous laughter from the shoreline. It's like a music video for this song. A group of fit young men taking terms skim boarding. Running, dropping the flat tear drop shaped board onto the shallow waves, and surfing as long as they can before falling off. She lets her mind wander as her eyes drink in the tan skin and muscled bodies. Excitement stirs in her belly. She hasn't felt this in years. Arousal. Desire.

She drifts off into a steamy daydream, indulging in fantasy as she slips into the second half of her nap.

\---------------------------------

The next morning June arrives for breakfast at the resort restaurant. She's greeted at the door with a raffle ticket for one of several door prizes. After she enjoys her fruit salad, coffee and omlet- she's surprised when she WINS the door prize! Free surf lessons for the week. June wishes she'd won the free massage or parasailing lessons. But she decided to give surfing a try, in the spirit of adventure. 

June changes into her one-piece swimming suit for the day and heads back to the deserted beach. She has no idea what to expect. Some stoner beach bum- who'd laugh at her when she falls off the board or gets attacked by a shark. Her mind swims with all of the possible ways this could go badly. But as she walks out onto the sand, her mind falls silent.

One of the guys from yesterday- one of the tall, muscular, chiseled tan beach gods- is jogging toward her. He stops a few feet away. "Hey, are you June?" 

June blushes a little. He's the one she paired off with in her day dream. Hoo boy that had been hot. She half wonders if she's dreaming again. He's way too attractive to be real. His tan skin is the color of caramel, glistening with coconut scented sunscreen and a sheen of sweat. He looks soft and hard at the same time. Touchable and perfect. A tiny smirk grows at the corner of his mouth as he sees her staring at his body. June blinks rapidly, mortified. She holds her hand out. "June Osborne." Her handsome stranger takes her hand. "Nick Blaine." His skin burns against hers. She can feel her heart racing. She hasn't been touched by a man- really _touched_ by a man for far too long. 

Nick tells her he's her surf coach for the week, and they're going to head to the other side of the island, where the waves are. June nods. Nick offers to drive and June accepts. She climbs into his Jeep Wrangler, which has two surfboards strapped to the roof. One yellow and one green with blue stripes. She's thankful for her seat belt because there are no doors on his Jeep. The ocean air whips through her long blonde hair and she makes a mental note to bring a hair tie the next day. She tries to keep her eyes on the road, but is able to sneak a few peeks at Nick while he drives. His car smells like him, and faintly of weed. There are surfing magazines littering the floor, a half full bottle of pineapple juice, and a pack of cigarettes and lighter visible. No other clues. No wedding ring. She shakes her head. _Yeah well I have a wedding ring, so. No dice, June._

Her first lesson goes well. It's mostly posture work on the beach. Nick sets the two surfboards down parallel to each other facing the sea. They practice lying flat, then pushing up and jumping to their feet. This motion is easy for Nick. He does it effortlessly, reassuring her with phrases like "See? it's easy." or "Just like this, ok?" June doesn't have it so easy. She hasn't done a push up since the presidential fitness challenge in high school. Nick doesn't laugh. He just tells her she's doing great. 

June wishes he would touch her. Put his hands on her. She's always been a physical learner. But he maintains a respectful distance. And it only makes her craving worse. She makes a mental note to leave her wedding ring at home tomorrow, then quickly reprimands herself for having this thought. 

They spend the second hour on the water. Paddling over the ocean surface on their stomachs. They get out past the breakers and Nick tells June to practice pushing up. June is able to get herself to standing. She lets out a triumphant cheer and Nick finally smiles. But the moment doesn't last. June sees a triangular fin a few hundred feet away. She screams, pointing, losing her balance and falling. That's the last thing she remembers. 

\------------------------------------------------

June wakes up slowly, and her skull is on fire. The back of her head must have hit the surf board when she fell.

But there's no water around her. Just sheets. _Sheets that smell like Nick._

She forces her eyes open, but her vision is blurry. She closes her eyes and listens instead. There's a radio on. Playing soft beach music- acoustic guitar and gentle melodies.

There are smells. Shrimp boiling. Old bay. Lemon and horseradish. 

She sits up, instantly regretting it when her head starts spinning. But she's able to look around a bit. She's in a one room beach shack. It's warm, a box fan in the window provides a gentle breeze. She can see outside the window that it's evening. Peach and magenta clouds color the sunset. It feels like a dream. Or a movie. It feels... safe. Something she hasn't felt in forever. 

She stands, picking up her bag and moving into the kitchen space. Nick turns from the stove. "Hey, you ok?" She nods. Startled by how... normal- how comfortable it feels being here in another man's space. Feeling welcome.

She sits at his tiny table. Nick explains how she hit her head on the board and passed out. He got her out of the water, and she was conscious but tired. He offered to take her back to the hotel but she declined. He asked if he could keep an eye on her for a few hours, make sure it was just a concussion and nothing more serious. She'd slept hard for 4 hours. He recommended advil and lots of water. He'd hit his head a few times too when he was learning. She'd have a bad headache tomorrow. June asks if he's scared of sharks too. He smirks and tells her what she saw was a dolphin. That there aren't any sharks in this part of the ocean. June adds this to her growing list of embarrassments. Scared of dolphins. Awesome. 

Nick points at the stove. "I made dinner."

June shakes her head- "Oh, you didn't have to..."

"All the restaurants are closed. I'll drive you home after we eat. Unless you want to go now- I'll take you back now if..."

"No, that'd be great. I'm starving."

Nick nods, his face relaxing. "Great. It's almost ready."

The shrimp is fucking perfect. Fresh and perfectly cooked. Nick tells her it was caught this morning. He bought it right off the shrimping boat and kept it on ice.

Nick drives her home. He has Tom Petty- the Wildflowers album- playing softly in his stereo. And when he drops her off, she doesn't want to get out of his Jeep. She sits for a moment in silence. Wondering what the fuck any of this is. It's nothing. It's not a date. It's a mistake if anything. It won't turn into anything. She says goodnight. Nick nods and drives off into the darkness. 

June sits on the steps of her hotel, watching his tail lights fade. Needing to stay close to the energy. Whatever it is, her heart doesn't want to let it go. 

\-------------------------------

The next day's lesson is different. They're both more comfortable with each other. Joking and smiling more. It feels natural. Like they'd been friends for years.

June has trouble with her balance exercises and Nick asks if he can show her something. She nods. He steps behind her, keeping a respectful distance that she wishes he would close. He puts his strong hands on her hips, turning them so they're parallel to the board. "You have to keep your hips steady. Things feel better that way." His hands linger. And it would take nothing for him to curl his fingers around her bikini bottoms and pull them down slowly. God she wishes he would. Right here. June's eyes close. Neither of them move. She wants to spin into his arms and kiss him. She wants to do so much more than that. She wants to wake up in his bed every day forever. And this desire is almost unbearable. Overwhelming. 

The moment is broken when a car full of hot surfer girls pulls up. They get out and run to the water's edge. One gives Nick a hug and whispers in his ear, shooting June a look. Once they're on the water, June asks if that was his girlfriend. Nick laughs. A big genuine laugh, and it's beautiful. His smile is intoxicating and she realizes this is the first time she's seen it. "No. I don't have a girlfriend." June scoffs. Asking why not, when that girl is clearly so into him. He notes that she's not his type. June asks what his type is. He considers this and answers "women who know what they want." June doesn't know what it means, but she likes it. It sounds right. 

\---------------------------------

The last night of her vacation, June finally checks her cell phone. She calls Luke and they have a knock-down, drag-out fight over the phone. He tells her he's having an affair. That he doesn't love her anymore. That he wants her to come back and get her shit and be out by the end of the week. 

June sobs brokenheartedly on her porch, but she's relieved in a way. Their marriage has been over for a long time. And in a way, she's glad he'd ended it, because she never would have. The friction had started when she told him how much she wanted children. They'd gone through several rounds of IVF. She wanted to try another, he didn't. 

She misses her surf lessons that day, lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Trying to figure out her future. Would she apologize to Luke? Try to patch it together? Fuck that cheating piece of shit. 

June packs her bag. She looks outside the window and the sunset colors are perfect. She pulls on a sundress and a hoodie, and decides to go for a walk. She doesn't know where she's going. She just keeps walking as the sun sets and the stars come out. She walks to the beach, and the mile up the beach to Nick's place. She stops on his step. Already. Even here, her mind is quiet. It's like her worries can't follow her into his space. 

She raises her hand and knocks tentatively. Half expecting the surfer girl to open the door and spit in her face. 

There's a pause. The door opens and Nick moves backwards to let her inside, closing the door behind her. They stand like this, a foot apart- not speaking. Staring into each other's eyes. Nick's mouth opens to ask if she's ok- but June puts her finger on his lips, shaking her head. "I don't want to talk about it." She shivers. His lips are so soft. 

Nick raises his hand, cupping her cheek and wiping her tears away with his thumb. He nods.

June pulls her wedding ring off, setting it on his counter. Her eyes find his. Again, expecting judgment. Nick blinks, considering this. His eyes find hers again, and there's a heat behind them that makes her breath catch in her chest. He steps closer, close enough to kiss her. But he doesn't. He strokes his palms up and down her arms softly, in a comforting motion. June hugs him, pulling him tight to her chest. He returns the hug, his hands wandering her back. And the burn between them builds. Their breaths synchronize. Their hearts beat painfully hard together. Some primal magic builds between them.

Nick kisses her hair, her cheek. And she's kissing his lips, and his hands are on her face. He tastes like pineapple and marshmallows. His tongue is impossibly soft. They lose themselves in the kiss. Nick walks her backwards until her back is against his counter. He lifts her up to sit on it, stepping close between her legs. He's pulling her hips closer to his, needing to be closer, but it could never be close enough. They're desperate to connect. But they don't want to rush the moment. They move slowly, sensuously. June unbuttons his Hawaiian shirt, her hands exploring his smooth chest. Nick hasn't touched her clothes, so she unzips her hoodie with trembling hands, pulling it off. Her arms get stuck in the sleeves, and Nick is helping, and that's when his movements become frantic. He's tearing at her sundress, pulling the straps down her arms, palming her naked breasts and gasping- his mouth open in reverence. His eyes find hers, reflecting the moonlight outside his kitchen window. "Is this ok?" He asks. His voice is rough and soft. June nods vigorously, kissing him full on the mouth. Nick moans into her mouth, picking her up and laying her on his bed. He pulls off her remaining clothing, and his swim trunks. He kisses her whole body. Slowly. And June lets him. He kisses her everywhere, bringing her to climax several times with his mouth. When June finally pulls him on top of her, her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are glassy, but she's smiling widely. She touches his face softly, brushing dark curls out of his eyes. He kisses her softly and enters her and they make love there on his tiny bed in the moonlight. And it's everything. 

\----------------------------

June wakes up in Nick's bed. The sheets smell like them. She stretches and gets up, making herself some coffee. She pads quietly across the space, checking on the baby- still asleep in it's thatch bassinet. She returns back to bed, placing her coffee and Nick's on the bedside table. She crawls back under the covers, sitting against the headboard. Nick stretches deeply, blinking his eyes open sleepily. He smiles when he sees her. "Hey." "Hey" she whispers back. 

_Paradise._


	3. Pool Boy Nick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick and June have a house with a pool. Nick gets hot and frustrated having to do all the maintenance, and June uses it to her advantage.

The pool had been a losing battle from day one. 

From the beginning, Nick had seen the endless battle with upkeep and maintenance and he’d fought hard against it. It was too much work for too little reward, he’d argued. He’d spent summers when he was in high school working at a public pool, the work back-breaking and exhausting even when he was sixteen. He hated it then and he hadn’t expected that to change.

So he’d been fully prepared to stand his ground. He’d make any other concession, lose any other battle, but the line was drawn at the pool. It wasn’t happening.

But then Holly wrapped herself around his legs, her head dropped back as she blinked up at him with wide blue eyes and asked  _ Daddy, please.  _ He’d looked at June for support, but she’d simply shrugged her shoulders, smiled, and said she thought it would be fun. And just like that, his iron-clad resolve crumbled into dust. 

He’d never denied either of them anything, and this surely wasn’t where he was going to start. 

Against his better judgment, they rented the house with the pool. 

And then the first time they used it, he thought he might have been wrong. As he stood waist deep in the clear blue water, his arms held open for Holly to jump into from the edge of the pool, her laughter ringing through the summer air, while June lounged on the pool deck with a book in her lap, he might have admitted the pool was a good idea. Their happiness was worth it.

Then the messes started. 

First, it was the toys. Every morning he’d come out to find Holly’s pool noodles and Hannah’s dive sticks scattered in the water. He didn’t mind at first. He’d pull the pool noodles out of the water remembering how he’d pull Holly around the pool with her hands grasped tight around the colored foam, her legs kicking behind her as she learned to swim. The fond memories kept his temper in check. But then it kept happening. And then, one morning, after he almost fell in trying to retrieve a rogue pair of goggles he’d had enough. He bought a storage box for the pool toys, spent an afternoon under the hot July sun assembling it, and from that point forward he became nearly militant about all toys going back in the box after they were done using them. 

It worked. He stopped having to fish toys out of the pool every morning. But then came the leaves, which were almost worse than the toys. The toys he had a solution for, he was able to fix that problem. 

He had no idea where the leaves were coming from. Fall hadn’t come yet. He didn’t think it was the weather. And yet almost every morning he’d find leaves dirtying the pool, dozens of them, floating all over the surface. And he’d remembered exactly why he hadn’t even wanted the pool in the first place. Summer was almost over and he’d finally reached a breaking point.

But when he’d mentioned he’d been thinking of covering it the pool early and putting an end to the season, a chorus of dissent from Holly and Hannah had convinced him otherwise. He’d looked to June for support but she’d remained suspiciously quiet, leaving the decision up to him.

And now, Nick stands, arms crossed, in front of a dirty pool. Again. 

He clenches his jaw as he picks up the pool skimmer from against the fence, biting his lip as he balances the unwieldy tool in his hands, his brow furrowing as he concentrates on making his first pass over the water, swearing under his breath as the leaves dance on the surface of the pool and dodge his net. As he works, the hot August sun beats down on his back, baking him alive under his black cotton shirt. Suffocating humidity hangs heavy in the air, leaving his skin sticky as sweat beads up on his forearms and face. And as his shirt begins to stick to his back, his frustration reaches a boiling point as he pauses momentarily to wipe his sweaty face with the hem of his shirt.

Tomorrow, he’s not asking for opinions on covering the pool. He’s just doing it. 

As he goes back to work, he feels every muscle in his back and arms working overtime, flexing and straining, as he holds the pool skimmer as far out as he can, trying to retrieve leaves from the farthest edge of the pool, but they float away, just missing the edge of the net. 

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath as he drops the skimmer, the aluminum pole clattering against the concrete pool deck. He can’t stand the feel of his shirt on his back anymore, soaking up the sun’s heat and trapping it against his skin. Without a second thought he pulls his shirt off over his head, his slick, tanned skin exposed to the afternoon air. As he tosses his shirt back on a lounge chair, a cool breeze blows through the backyard and he closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath, the flowing air cooling his sweaty, reddened skin and his temper.

He bends to retrieve the skimmer and starts working for the leaves on the far side of the pool again when he suddenly gets the sense that he’s being watched. His brow furrows as he stops and turns around. June stands inside the house, behind the closed sliding glass door, transfixed, her arms crossed over her chest as she bites her bottom lip. But then, like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar, when she notices she’s been caught, her mouth falls open and she turns quickly, disappearing into the house. Nick stands still for a minute, processing, the gears now turning in his mind before he drops the pool skimmer and heads into the house, hot on June’s heels.

It doesn’t take him long to find her, standing in the kitchen in front of the refrigerator, trying her best to look like she hadn’t just been caught playing voyeur.

“Thirsty?” She asks as she glances up at him, trying to change the subject. He doesn’t take the bait. He takes another step into the kitchen.

“Do you know how all those leaves got in the pool?”

She stands still for a few seconds before she shuts the fridge unceremoniously and shrugs her shoulders as she turns to face him. “It was windy yesterday, wasn’t it?”

“No,” he answers tightly as he continues to stare daggers through her, hoping she’ll admit to something,  _ anything _ , but it doesn’t phase her. 

She hums in reply as they reach a stalemate until finally, a mischievous yet knowing smile spreads across her face. She takes two steps towards Nick as she shrugs her shoulders again. “Then I guess it’s a mystery.”

_ Bullshit. _

They stand at an impasse for a few moments more before June finally tries to leave the kitchen. As she moves to pass in front of Nick she brushes against him and he grabs her arm, spinning her around so she’s facing him and pinning her back against the kitchen counter at the same time. The edge of the granite digs into the small of her back as he steps closer to her, his body nearly pressed against hers. He stares down at her, one hand holding her in place, his dark eyes smoldering with intensity. He  _ knows _ she’s up to no good. But she swallows hard as her eyes flick up to meet his, still refusing to give in and give him the answer he wants.

Instead, she’s going to do what  _ she _ wants. A small sly smile forms on her lips as she licks them, shifting her weight under Nick.

“I love it when you’re like this,” she murmurs as she puts one of her hands on his bare chest. His brow furrows as he leans in closer to her, swallowing hard. 

“Like what?” His voice is low and rough as he closes the distance between them, the heat from his body radiating between them.

“Hot,” she whispers, running her finger up his bare arm, still slick with sweat, before dropping her hand down to his belt buckle. “And bothered.” 

The charge in the air changes. Suddenly, all his anger is forgotten as he presses in against her, closing the distance completely, needing to be closer to her. His mouth lands on hers, lips warm and soft, like velvet, and she brings her hands up to his face, holding him against her, deepening the kiss, but it’s not enough. He brings a hand up between them, his thumb coming up to rest on her chin, tugging her now swollen bottom lip down to allow himself greater access. As he continues exploring her mouth with his tongue, her hands slide down his neck and chest, before landing on his belt buckle again.

Her fingers move at a frenzied pace to try and work the leather out of the buckle, but before she finds success, his hands drop down and find hers, pulling them away from the still latched buckle and pinning them above her head against the kitchen cabinets. He quickly dips his head to kiss her jaw and neck, the touch of his lips against her sensitive skin igniting every nerve, setting her skin on fire. After a moment, he pulls back slightly, breaking away from June’s skin, his dark eyes burning with desire as he stares at her. 

Somewhere in his mind, he knows this had been her plan all along. That she liked watching him, and she’d just been waiting for him to catch her staring to get him to this point. So he wants to pull himself away. He  _ wishes _ he could walk away. But June is an unstoppable force and he’s an immovable object, stuck in her orbit. 

And then she bites her lip before she presses herself hard against him, grinding her hips against his, and he squeezes his eyes shut, knowing there’s no walking away now as his mind is suddenly very aware of nothing but the fact that there are too many layers of fabric between them. 

Without another thought he releases her hands before dipping down, hooking his arms under June’s legs and picking her up so she’s sitting on the kitchen counter. He inches closer to her, making quick work of pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it to the side before leaning back in and kissing her urgently anywhere he can find bare skin — her shoulder, her collarbone, her breast. Her back arches towards him as his mouth finds the sensitive skin on her neck, just behind her ear and she moans against him as her hands drop to his belt again.

This time, as his mouth crashes against hers again, he doesn’t stop her.

With a clink of his belt buckle, his pants hit the floor, the pool forgotten.

* * *

  
  


After, she remains perched on the counter, her arms wrapped around his bare torso, while her head rests on his shoulder. As they’re both catching their breath, she starts laughing.

“What?” His voice is raspy as he turns his head towards her. She lifts her head from his shoulder and before she can answer, he leans in and kisses her neck, his fine stubble giving her goosebumps as it rubs over her still over sensitive skin. She closes her eyes and sighs as he continues kissing, but finally she pushes him away gently. His brow furrows in confusion, his dark eyes searching hers, and she smiles at him as she brings her hands up to cup his face.

“That was  _ definitely _ worth having to clean the pool, hmm?”

Nick’s face falls, his mouth drawing together in a line, disappointment laced in his voice when he finally speaks. “It was you?”

She shrugs playfully as she pats one hand on his cheek, leaning in giving him a quick kiss before she hops down off the counter. “I plead the fifth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this is the first time i've ventured into anything nearing smut territory so it was a wild, new experience for me! i'm still trying to get used to it, usually i just find reading it so much more enjoyable, but let me know what you think! and many thanks to carol for letting me dump this here with her other amazing AUs! i wasn't quite sure where to put it, and she graciously offered to share this space with me! <333


	4. Military AU Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern era. Nick and June lead an elite band of rebels. Strangers to lovers.

Nick and June are racing. This is nothing new, it happens about once a week. What's new is that June isn't winning, and she can't have that.

June sucks in a deep breath, pumping her arms, flinging dark earth behind her with each stride. Her efforts pay off. She inches in front of Nick as they round the final turn, racing back toward the camp. Encouraged, she redoubles her efforts, pulling a body length in front of him just as they cross the finish line. 

June’s team surrounds her, congratulating her with cheers and pats on the back. Nick is bent over, hands on his knees, sucking in deep breaths with his eyes closed. He feels someone step in front of him. He shakes his head and waves for them to fuck off. He straightens up when someone claps him on the shoulder, raising his hands to shove them away. But he stops himself. It’s June. Gloating. As usual. 

“Second week in a row, Blaine.” She brags between breaths. “You gotta up your game.”

Nick glares back, saying nothing. 

\----------------------------

_Later that night:_

Friday is the one night of the week they cut loose at the camp. After dinner everyone gathers in the dining tent, enjoying cold beers and music. 

Nick can’t focus on the card game he’s losing. He’s distracted. His beer sits untouched, growing warm and flat. He doesn’t hear a word of his buddy’s long winded story. He’s focused entirely on June, his dark eyes fixed on her from across the tent. He’s bristling because she’s laughing. Head thrown back, smiling widely. His eyes narrow and flick back to the idiot making moves on her. Sammy. The cook. Who looks more confident with every passing second. 

Nick is pulled from his thoughts when his friend asks if he’s ok. “Yeah.” is all he says, laying his cards down. “I’m out. See you around.” He rises quickly, moving away from the distraction. He pulls up a chair at the edge of one of the long tables and continues watching June. Concerned that she’s acting so out of character. _She never fucking smiles. He’s not funny. It doesn’t add up._

June glances up, her eyes locking on Nick’s. Almost like she felt him watching her. She leans in to whisper something to Sammy, before taking a long pull on her beer. Now Sammy is the one smiling. He walks to the laptop playing music and pulls up a song, apparently at June’s request. It’s an old club song from the 90’s. When he walks back over to June, she sets her drink down and turns around, dancing in front of Sammy. 

Nick swallows hard. His angry thoughts suddenly silent. Unable to think. Able only to watch. 

She rolls her hips against Sammy, who steps forward, putting his _slimy fucking hands_ on her hips and dancing awkwardly behind her. _The fuck were they talking about? Clubbing? Dancing? Was this related or did she just want to dance? God there were so many questions. How the fuck can anybody move like that?_

June smirks when she steals a glance at Nick. She quickly lowers her gaze, certain now that she has an audience. She grinds back onto her partner, flattening her back to his chest. She runs her hands through her hair, then down her body. Her cheeks are flushed from exertion. When the song ends the entire tent erupts into rowdy applause and June laughs again, taking a theatrical bow. She wasn’t aware that she’d stopped every conversation in the tent. 

Something primal snaps. Nick rises and walks straight to her. He shoots a look at Sammy, who takes a step backward. 

“Osborne.”

“Blaine.” She fires back, finishing her beer. “Your turn? Dance off? Lets go.”

Nick scowls, feeling eyes all over him. _Fuck it. Nevermind._ He thinks, unable to think of a single word to say. He shakes his head and leaves. 

June follows him out, skipping beside him, taunting- as always. “You just wish it was you, Blaine. You’re just jealous. Fucking admit it.”

Nick turns quickly, grabbing her arm and pulling her off the trail. His gaze is intense as he leans in close, voice low so it won’t be overheard. 

“You need to be careful.”

June’s eyebrows cinch together. Her heart is racing in her chest. His skin burns where it touches hers. Like electric current. 

“What?”

Nick clenches his jaw, trying to find the right words. “Look. I don’t trust some of those guys ok? They’re drinking. They don’t need to see you as a target. Ok?”

June scoffs, pushing his hand off her arm. “Right. Just wanted to protect me. Got it. Thanks dad.”

She walks back toward the tent, welcomed by cheers and clapping, calling for another dance song. 

Two hours later, June is walking home, heavily buzzed and fully satisfied by her impromptu party. She’s half way back to her tent when someone pulls her off the trail and into the woods, slamming her up against a tree, hand over her mouth. 

June rolls her eyes, preparing to scold Nick again, when she realizes in a panic it’s not Nick at all. It’s Sammy. He’s drunk. He’s trying to kiss her. June pushes him hard, but he’s unbuckling his pants and reaching for her belt too. 

Then suddenly, Sammy is gone. June drops to her knees, throwing up, both palms on the ground. The adrenaline and the beer and the dancing- it all comes up in violent heaves until her stomach is finally empty. 

When she looks up, she sees Nick straddling Sammy’s chest, punching him in the face. She pulls Nick off and kicks Sammy herself, telling him to get fucking lost. 

Nick walks June back to her tent in silence. She falls asleep quickly. He spends the night outside, standing guard. 

He never says a word about that night. Not then, not the next morning. Not ever.


	5. Military AU Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up between Nick and June.

As the summer months dragged on, the days only grew hotter. Swampier. It was almost too hot to sleep at night, even with fans going. 

On a whim one day, June shaved her head. She’d always wanted to- and she realized it would provide some relief to get rid of her long blonde hair. She started with scissors but quickly switched to clippers. Buzzing off the lot. She smiled into the mirror briefly- not much caring what she looked like. But happy with the result. It looked badass.

When she showed up for exercise the next morning, everyone fell silent. She and Nick stood in front of their teams as usual, ready to lead the exercises. 

The only person who seemed amused was Nick. June glared at him. 

“Something to say, Blaine?”

Nick smirked harder, shaking his head. 

“What- miss the Barbie look? You assholes get to shave your heads, I do too. Fuck that double standard shit…” She stops when Nick mutters something softly. So soft only she can hear it. 

She waits, and he says it again. “It looks good.”

June narrows her eyes, scanning his face- but she sees no spite. He’s not mocking her.

Nick holds her gaze. Reading her face. Just for a second his expression changes. It softens somehow. The next bit is just a whisper.

“You’re beautiful.” 

\------------------------

June was more aware of Nick’s gaze after that. _Beautiful_ he’d said. It wasn’t a word she was comfortable claiming. But the memory of those words on his lips- changed something. _It didn’t fit. Does he care?_

She’d feel it several times a day- a feeling of warmth tingling on her skin- warm and safe, like standing in sunlight. Her instinct was never wrong. Any time she had that feeling, she could look up to find Nick watching her from across the camp. The energy was protective and curious, so she didn’t mind it. Not like when she’d catch others gawking at her. Their stares made her feel dirty and vulnerable. 

The maddening part for her was that all he did was watch. He never made a move, or showed any sign that he was interested in her. His blank, neutral expression gave nothing away. He might as well have been a mannequin. Running, eating, sleeping along with the rest of them. But always watching. 

One day, June decided to provoke Nick and see if there was anything else under his carefully guarded mask. 

After morning exercise, she followed him to the outdoor showers, breaking the unspoken rule that only one person used the area at a time. The “showers” were just hoses tied to a central post, surrounded by plywood cubicles that covered the body from knee to shoulder. The water was ice cold, but it felt like heaven after long hikes and workouts. 

Normally June would have come back when no one else was around. But she was in a mischievous mood. She wanted to test her powers. There had to be more. She wanted to see it again. _The way he’d looked at her while she danced. When he called her beautiful._

So she waited by the woodline until he’d undressed and freezing water was running over his face. She slipped into the adjacent shower stall, and undressed quickly. When she turned on her rusty spigot, Nick wiped his face quickly, an irritated expression already forming. 

But as soon as their eyes met, June saw it again. This time she saw clearly what it was. _Hunger_. _Deep and painful._

June was acutely aware of her nakedness, and the icy water dripping down her skin. But she wasn’t cold. She was flushed. Feverish- as heat spread across her cheeks and chest, and a heaviness pooled in her stomach. 

Nick watched June, holding her gaze- his chest rising and falling in rapid shallow breaths. She could see the muscles in his cheek tic as he clenched his jaw, overwhelmed at the thought of her body- exposed to the air, just a few steps from his own. 

June began to wash herself slowly. Her chest felt tight, it was difficult to keep breathing. Her nipples were painfully hard. But she moved slowly. Sensuously. Sliding her soapy hands over her breasts, down her abdomen to her thighs, and secret places in between.

The heat in his eyes flickered, scorching hot but controlled. He made no move toward her, but his brows cinched further together the lower her hands explored. June’s eyes shone with power, drinking in his reactions like a drug. She finished, drying herself and dressing quickly. Nick lowered his eyes as she did so, focused on some point on the wall of his shower. He didn’t move until she left- and even then, he just closed his eyes, leaning on the wall of the cubicle. Trying to slow his racing heart.


	6. Military AU Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make love not war.

It’s Friday night, but Nick isn’t at dinner. 

He doesn’t show for happy hour either. June’s concern grows with every passing minute. 

_Where the fuck is he?_

She's five beers deep before she realizes he may not be coming at all. She checks her watch. It’s nearly 9 o’clock.

She heads for his tent, more irritated with every step. 

_\---------------------------------_

Nick, meanwhile, is lying on his cot, reading the same sentence of his beat up paperback novel over and over. None of it making sense. None of it sticking. Because his mind is elsewhere. Locked in the past. Replaying the same memories over and over. 

_June. Her eyes. Challenging me. Inviting me._

Nick rests the book on his chest, blowing out a slow breath to try and clear his mind. _It’s just in your head. It was just a shower._

_But he can see the slow descent of her hands, how they’d lingered on her body. How he could practically feel her soapy skin against his own fingertips. He sees her dancing. The way her hips moved, arching and circling...The flush on her cheeks as she watched him, eyelids low, mouth open, a sheen of sweat forming on her brow. He can see it. He can feel it. The heat from her. The burn of her skin when he grabbed her arm._

Nick swings his legs over the edge of his cot, gripping the side so hard his knuckles turn white. 

_Get a fucking hold of yourself._

His mind continues to torment him with the image of _the man following her as she left. The blood on his hands._ _He can still hear her muffled screams._ The same sickening protective rage floods through him, and that- THAT- is too much to bear.

_I need to walk her home._ He checks his watch. 8:45. _They’ll be done soon._

He stands, pulling on his shirt and walking quickly for the entrance to his tent. He nearly plows into June, who’s just stormed into the space herself. 

Nick scoffs. A soft, quiet sound of disbelief. 

The air is thick. Charged like the moments before a thunderstorm. 

Nick swallows thickly, his lids lowering and his eyes darkening as he holds her gaze. The discomfort that had been growing all week is painfully heavy now. His heart hammers hard in his chest, just like it had at the showers. 

June’s eyes narrow when she sees something new in the dark globes watching her. _Suffering._

Without warning, June steps forward, closing the space between them and kissing Nick fiercely on the mouth. 

Nick is frozen. He’d expected a lecture, not a kiss. A thousand thoughts whip through his mind, like a whirlwind. But it doesn't feel right. _Something’s off. She’s wobbly. She tastes like beer._ A switch flips in his head. He raises his hands, gently holding her face, and pushing her away. 

_Not like this._

June's brow cinches together. All of her repressed feelings explode out. She hits him, hard, again and again. 

“What the FUCK is wrong with you???

“I’m sorry.” Nick murmurs, just taking it, his eyes full of apology.

June pauses, staring between them. The color drains from her face. Her hands fly to her mouth as she vomits. 

\-----------------------------

June’s head is on fire. She blinks her swollen eyelids open. It’s pitch black. She’s in bed. A bed that smells like someone else's dark musk. 

Panic washes over her. 

_Oh my god what did I do. I don’t even remember it. It finally happened and I blacked out. Fuck._

She sits up, instantly regretting the rapid movement. She’s badly dehydrated and the room is spinning. The last thing she remembers is throwing up. She can still taste the sour acid in her mouth. She looks down, shocked to see she’s wearing a clean black t-shirt and sweat pants.

June looks around, blinking her aching eyes in the darkness. As they adjust she can see a form curled up on the floor. She leans closer. _It’s Nick._

He senses the movement and sits up quickly. His voice is rough from sleep. 

“Hey. You ok?” 

“Yea.” June nods- again regretting the head movement. She sits very still until the vertigo resolves. “Um…” She takes a deep breath, steeling herself. “Did we…”

Nick shakes his head quickly, cutting her off. “...you got sick... you were too sick to walk back. I gave you some clothes- stepped out so you could change. You fell asleep right away.”

June stares at the ground, so pissed at herself. “Thanks.” She says quietly, fixing her eyes on his. Wanting him to understand that she’s sorry that it went the way it did. Thanking him for not taking advantage of her like most men would have. 

Nick watches her. _Curious. Searching_. He nods. 

June checks her watch. _3 am. Fuck._

She becomes more aware of the horrific taste in her mouth. She knows her breath must smell terrible. She also realizes Nick must be uncomfortable on the ground like that. She stands slowly, focusing on getting her feet under her. 

She leaves without another word. Fighting the urge to cry. _It’s all ruined now._

She walks quickly for the latrine. Brushing her teeth vigorously, scrubbing her tongue and gums hard to get the horrible taste out. She washes her face, staring at herself in the mirror. She cups her hands, gulping down cold refreshing water from the tap.

She goes to her tent and lies on her cot, staring at the ceiling, fuming. She tosses and turns for an hour. But a feeling in her chest won't let her sleep. She can't name it, but it's twisting and desperate, refusing to be silenced. She glances down at her watch again. It's 4 am. Sleep is nowhere in sight. 

June makes a decision, swinging her legs off her cot, changing out of Nick’s borrowed clothes and into a fresh set of her own. She sits, tying her boots, and leaves her tent. 

\-------------------------

  
  


Nick is lying on his cot, staring at the ceiling when June returns to him.

He’s on his feet in an instant, taking her into his arms. They kiss passionately. This time there’s no hesitation. His hands are gentle and reverent on her face, his thumb stroking her cheek softly as they explore each other for the first time. His hands run up her back, pulling her close to him. Refusing to let it stop this time. The night is silent except for their shaky breaths. 

June breaks away, kissing his neck, sending electric shocks across the surface of his whole body. His nipples harden, and an involuntary groan escapes him. He hisses in a breath, turning his cheek and trying to capture her lips again. But June grips his hair hard, pulling his head to the side. 

“Don’t fucking move.” She instructs, in her military command voice.

Nick nods, mouth open, sucking in shuddering breaths. 

He bites his lip, overcome with desire but holding it back to allow her to continue tormenting his sensitive skin with her perfect mouth. It’s more physical contact than he’d had with another person in years. He tries to relax into it, but he’s on fire. Wanting her so much he’s afraid he’ll combust.

June drops to her knees in front of him, unbuckling his pants. 

Nick stops her, shaking his head. 

June looks up- her eyes pleading. _Let me. I want to._

Nick swallows thickly, releasing her hands, unsure what to do with them. He watches her, eyebrows cinching together. 

June pushes his shirt up, kissing his flat stomach. Her tongue explores the patch of dark hair leading away from his belly button. Nick’s eyes clench shut and his head arches back as soft curses cross his lips. He caresses her shaved head gently, before resting his hand on her shoulder. 

She explores his skin like a kid at a playground. Savoring the salty taste of him. 

June finally gains the upper hand on his belt, opening it. The buckle clinks loudly in the silence of the tent. Her hands make quick work of his button and zipper, and his pants fall to his ankles. 

June stares straight ahead at the straining fullness before her, her eyes darkening, and her eyebrow quirking upward like she was staring at a dessert buffet. She looks up at Nick, her eyes shimmering with desire. Nick’s caresses her cheek again. His eyes are desperate. 

June grabs his hips, like an artist staring at a blank canvas, trying to decide where to start. She leans forward, kissing his hip, moving slowly toward his center. Nick’s whole body is rigid and his chest is heaving. June brushes her lips over his straining erection- mouthing over his black boxer shorts. Her breath is hot through the soft fabric, as she drops soft, slow kisses from base to tip, glancing up and drinking in his pained expression when she licks up his length. 

She hooks his underwear and lowers it to join his pants at his ankles. His eager cock springs free, standing at attention. She repeats her previous actions- now with nothing between them. Starting with kisses over his hip. His hand is gripping her shoulder so hard it almost hurts. Sure to leave a bruise. She kisses his cock softly, from base to tip, marveling at the sweet smell of his skin, and the beautiful size and shape of him. When she looks up and drags her tongue slowly up his cock, he moans beautifully. The softest sound she’d ever heard him make. 

She grips his cock, pulling it away from his body and taking it into her mouth. First just the tip, then deeper and deeper with each stroke. Pumping his thick base with her hand. 

Nick’s eyes are shut, his mouth open, his breath held in a gorgeous mask of bliss. When he’s finally able to force a breath, he looks down at June with lidded eyes, wanting to say or do something, but unable to think as she makes love to him with her mouth. Her mouth is better than his wildest fantasy. Soft and hot like molten velvet. Swirling pressure builds in his groin. He’s completely at her mercy, unable to think or move.

June squeezes his ass, pulling his hips toward her in a gentle rhythm. Encouraging him to fuck her face. To take control. 

He pulls her up to her feet, kissing her urgently, moaning loudly into her mouth, grabbing handfuls of her ass and squeezing greedily. Holding her hips tight against his own. June kisses him back, hands on his face. She can feel his hard, wet cock against her- and she wants him so much it hurts. She pulls on his hips, needing him closer. Wondering if he’s touched himself the way she’d touched herself- late at night- imagining what they would do together. 

They kiss furiously, stumbling to keep their balance. Almost like a fight. Knocking into the edges of the tent, kicking over his stack of books and his cook top stove. 

“Blaine! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” 

They freeze, having forgotten where they were. Surrounded by their sleeping companions. Other voices follow from the tent on the other side. 

“Yeah, Jesus, dude- go to fucking sleep.” 

“Or take a walk- you’re keeping us up, man.”

Nick and June exchange a quick glance. _They need privacy. A locking door. There’s only one place in the camp like that._

The war room. 

The camp is built around an old rec center. There’s a room with a circular conference table, a projector, file cabinets- and a locking door. Nick and June seem to have the same thought simultaneously. They fix their clothes and they walk quickly together, hand in hand. 

Moments later, Nick has her backed up against the locked door, kissing her, ravenous and feral- pressing his body against hers and moving like they were making love. She can feel his fullness through his clothes. He’s hard as fucking marble for her.

They undress silently, stripping each other’s shirts and pants off in a frenzy as they kiss. When they’re down to their underwear, Nick picks June up by the thighs, walking across the room, to sit her on the central conference table. 

June pushes the shorts down off his hips as Nick helps her out of her panties.

Nick steps closer, between her legs, kissing her feverishly. June reaches down between them, grasping his aching cock in her hands.

It's too intense and Nick can't wait a second longer. He crawls up onto the table over her. June scoots back to make space for him. He lays her back, nudging her legs open wider, settling his hips against hers. June hooks her legs around his back. 

Watching her eyes, he reaches between them to move himself to her entrance. As soon as he feels her heat against him, he adjusts his hands, kissing her as he pushes inside at last, sheathing himself with one deep thrust. He opens his eyes, overwhelmed by the the feeling of their bodies together, finally. He kisses her again, beginning to move rhythmically. Moaning low and primal with every thrust. 

June’s nails dig into his muscular back, raking down to his perfect ass. She pulls him to her desperately. Urging him to move faster. Nick buries his face in her shoulder, snapping his hips hard as pained groans vibrate in his chest. He drops open mouthed kisses on her neck and chest as he fucks her fiercely. Their love is scorching hot- too good- and they build quickly- fucking hard and loud, climbing together to a blinding climax. 

The first of several. 

  
  


\--------------------------------

The next morning at breakfast, Nick’s men are giving him shit for waking up half the camp the previous night.

“Dude, you were like- moaning...tossing and turning... you sure it wasn’t a nightmare?”

Nick shakes his head, fighting a smirk. 

But then June enters the dining tent, and Nick’s head snaps to look at her. They hold each other’s gaze across the space like there isn’t another soul around and smile, communicating silently. The energy is palpable. 

Nick takes the coffees he’d prepared and settles across from her, setting her drink in front of her. “Hey.” 

June smiles, blushing, but unable to look away. “Hey.”

Nick’s men turn to each other, dumbfounded. 

“...did YOU know they were fucking?”


	7. Military AU Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick is taken.  
> June sets out to find him.

When Nick was late coming back from his patrol, June knew right away that something was wrong. Nick Blaine was a creature of habit, consistent and reliable. His disappearance was completely out of character. 

June walked the camp, waking the others. She asked if they’d seen him, if they’d heard anything. Everyone made excuses, joked about it, blew it off. They said he’d gone AWOL. That he’d gotten sick of their shit and headed into town to get laid.

June knew he’d never do that. First off, he was fully satisfied in that department. She’d seen to that personally. Secondly, he’d never abandon his post. Something deep inside her knew that he was in trouble. 

He was last seen heading out for the midnight watch. Each shift patrolled the 3 mile perimeter of the camp, following up on any irregularities they found. Most of the soldiers didn’t take it seriously, walking a quick lap and returning to spend the remainder of the shift sitting at the camp monitoring their radio.

June knew something was off. Nick was an expert survivalist and tracker. There was no way he was lost. He knew these woods better than anyone. He’d never abandon his comrades. Was he hurt? Had he found something? She couldn’t shake a bad feeling that he was in danger. 

When the initial search team came back empty handed at dawn, June had had enough. 

Furious, June gathered supplies- enough food and water for 24 hours. Her radio, camping supplies. She headed out immediately, knowing she’d need every hour of daylight to find him. 

\-------------------------------------------

She starts by tracing his steps around the camp perimeter. His footsteps were clear in the damp soil. the ground was wet from rain earlier that week. Halfway around the circle, she finds clear signs of a struggle. Fuming, she makes a mental note to rip the search team a new asshole when she gets back. 

She sees the story, written in the soil around her. It unfolds before her like a hologram replaying the past.

Nick’s pace stopped suddenly. He turned, venturing slowly off the path. Treading lightly. _Listening._ She follows along behind him, retracing his steps, that spread further apart as he broke into a run. Then he ducked behind a tree. Hiding. Kneeling. She sees something new. Hand prints in the mud. _Blood_. 

June’s stomach twists as the realization jolts through her. _He’s hurt._

The next part is almost unbearable. He was surrounded by men in boots. Dragged to a car. _Taken_. 

June breaks into a run herself, following the tire tracks half a mile through the woods and onto the main road. She stands, staring down the highway, chest heaving, brow furrowed. Watching the muddy tire tracks disappear down the road.


	8. Military AU Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June finds Nick.

June sets her pack down, kneeling to take out more ammo. She zips the bag closed, knowing she’ll have to leave it behind. _I’ll come back for it. If I come back._ She checks her gun one last time. _Clip full. Safety off._

Thunder rumbles in the distance. June’s eyes dart up, scanning the glowering thunderheads on the horizon. _Storm coming. Now or never._

June blows out a deep breath, closing her eyes, steadying herself. Forcing all of her doubt to fall away. _No margin for error. This has to work._ On her next in-breath, she opens her eyes, rising, gun drawn and aimed at the ground in front of her. She proceeds, pausing when she reaches the edge of the woods. 

Her eyes dart over the terrain. _An abandoned farm._ She frowns. The field between her and the buildings offers almost no cover. Her eyes narrow as she scans again. _There has to be something. Make it work._ Then she sees it. An old tractor, rusted out, overgrown with weeds- halfway across the field. The wind rises around her, tossing the tree-tops, rustling the leaves as the pressure drops and the air takes on a metallic pre-storm charge. When thunder claps again, like a starting gun, June sprints across the field, kneeling behind the tractor, catching her breath briefly. She quiets her mind, blinking away all of the instincts screaming at her to turn back. 

The sky is angry, black and purple. Lightning splits the sky with a deafening crack, spurring June back to action. She darts the rest of the way to the side of an abandoned barn. She pauses, back to the wall, catching her breath. 

She treads lightly, breath held. Scanning for any sounds, but she can’t hear anything above the storm. 

_I’ll need another way to find him_ . That’s when she sees it. A light, flickering from the farmhouse window. _Bottom floor. Men’s silhouettes. Three._

June circles around the back of the house. She scoops up a baseball sized stone, shattering the back window before taking cover against the side of the house. She waits, blood pulsing loud in her ears. She slows her breath. _Focus._

She waits, stock-still until the first man is outside. He wanders out into the field, further and further from the house, staring out into the storm. June steps out, dropping him with a single shot to the base of the skull. When the others run out to his body, June executes them as they kneel to check their fallen comrade.

She forces herself to wait. _I saw 3 shadows. There could be more._ But no one else comes. She trots to the bodies, rolling them over with her boot, shooting each once more between the eyes. 

Satisfied, she climbs the back steps lightly, gun aimed in front of her. She searches each room on the first floor, then the second, growing panicked when she realizes the house is empty. _No sign of him. Fuck._ Her mind races, imagining every possibility- including the simplest one-that they’d killed him and buried the body. She shakes her head once, banishing the thought. _Plenty of time if that’s the case. If not I need to fucking focus. He could be here. Think, Osborne._

_If he’s alive, he’s a prisoner._ She feels a pull. All at once knowing where he is. _The cellar._

June circles the house, wincing as the wind whips past her. She holsters her pistol, kneeling to lift the heavy metal door of the cellar. She grunts, throwing it open. The space below is pitch black, still as a tomb. She descends the stone steps slowly, into the cool air beneath. She pauses at the bottom, waiting for her eyes to adjust. A flash of lightning splits the sky behind her, illuminating the space enough for her to see a seated figure crumpled in the corner. 

“Nick...” she whispers, tears of relief brimming in her eyes. She rushes to his side, feeling for a pulse under his jaw. It’s there. _He's alive._ Relief washes through her. She uses the next flash of lightning to get a better look. There's duct tape covering his mouth and binding his hands and feet. He’s unconscious and filthy. 

She shakes her head, knowing she can’t carry him. She’d tried it once to prove a point. She made it 15 steps, but threw her back out in the process. _I’ve gotta wake him up. I need my medical kit._

“Nick, listen to me” she says, taking his head in her hands. He doesn’t respond. She continues, talking more to herself than to him, caressing his cheek in the darkness. “I’m coming back. I’ll be right back, ok?” 

June sprints back into the woods, retrieving her pack and returning to the cellar just as the storm finally breaks loose, pelting down blinding rain. 

June kneels beside Nick. She feels for the zipper of her pack, working quickly to pull out her flashlight, clicking it on and laying it on the floor. She finds the top edge of the duct tape over his mouth, soggy with blood and sweat. She rips it off quickly and Nick finally stirs, his muscles tensing, eyelids fluttering briefly before his head rolls to the side again, limp as a rag doll.

_Fuck, you’re in bad shape._

She pulls out her medical kit next, unzipping it, spreading it open on the floor. She grabs the epi-pen. She uncaps it, stabbing it through Nick’s pants into his thigh and pushing the plunger button.

Nick sucks in a harsh breath, sitting upright, eyes open wide. He blinks, eyes darting around the space, terrified and disoriented. His wrists twist, pulling hard against the restraint. June pulls out a knife, freeing his wrists and ankles. 

“Hey, it’s ok” June says, taking his face in her hands. “It’s me. I’m here.”

Nick shakes his head, fixing his eyes on hers. “Osborne, listen to me. You’ve gotta go. They’ll be back.” 

June kisses him. Just long enough to shut him up. “There were three. I took them out. Were there more than three?”

Nick stares back at her, finally listening. He shakes his head. 

June nods. “I need you to walk. So we can get out of here, ok? Do you think you can stand up?”

Nick blinks rapidly, processing something. He nods, and June helps him to his feet. He grimaces, favoring his left leg. 

“You ok?” She asks, brow furrowing. 

“Yeah.” He says, swallowing and setting his jaw. “Let’s go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is turning out longer than I knew it would, one more part coming very soon, before we move on to the next smoldering pile of smut and garbage


	9. Military AU Part 6

Getting Nick out of the cellar is a monumental task. By the time June drags him up the stairs, he’s drenched in sweat and white as a sheet. 

They lean against the side of the house to rest. His eyes are clenched shut and his chest is heaving. He doesn’t seem to notice the driving rain pelting his face. June frowns as she watches him. 

“Come on, we gotta move.” She pulls Nick’s arm over her shoulder, wrapping her arm around his waist. 

They limp out into the field, but it’s slow going.He moves slower with each step and she's all but carrying him. _"_ Keep up, Blaine. I’m used to beating you in races but this is just pathetic.” Nick grunts weakly in response. Not even a laugh. 

June pauses, looking at him in earnest, draped over her shoulder like a limp rag doll. She turns, looking across the field. She can’t even see the wood line through the rain. _Camp is 10 miles away and we've only made it a few feet._ _I’m never gonna get you home like this. Shit._

She shakes her head, cursing under her breath. She sets her jaw, grunting as she turns around, guiding them back to the farmhouse. 

June drops her pack to the floor and helps Nick to a threadbare couch, laying him on his side. She draws her gun and moves through the house quickly, checking closets, under beds. _We're not safe here, but it'll have to do until the storm breaks._ She locks all of the windows upstairs and downstairs, and by the time she gets back to the living room, Nick’s out cold. 

She pauses. Seeing him asleep was a luxury she’d never had at the camp. There were no public displays of affection. No hand holding. After their stolen moments together, they always had to part. 

June’s face softens as she watches him. His brow is relaxed, his breaths deep and steady. His long dark eyelashes flutter as his eyes move in his sleep.

She slips her gun into her pack and sits down beside his couch, knowing this would likely be her only chance to see him with his guard fully down. She smiles, drinking in tiny, intimate details about him- cataloging them for later. The scar on his upper lip, tiny crows feet by his eyes. Grey hairs in his beard stubble. 

She knows in that moment that something’s changed between them. At least for her. Something she’s afraid to name. Something that’s never ended well for her. 

\-------------------------------------

Later that night June wakes to the sounds of a struggle. 

She sits up, blinking rapidly, trying to get her bearings. She’d fallen asleep on the floor next to Nick. He’s pale and drenched in sweat. His brow is furrowed and he’s whimpering in his sleep. _Shivering._

“Hey…” June murmurs, moving to his side. “It’s ok, you’re dreaming.” She reaches out to touch his cheek reassuringly, pulling back sharply as soon as she feels his skin. _Burning hot._

_Fever._

“Nick.” June grabs his shoulders, shaking him. “Wake up. You’re scaring me. Wake up.”

Nick’s eyes open blink open briefly. He looks around, startled. 

June smiles, relieved. “You ok?”

Nick swallows thickly, nodding before he lays his head back, eyelids shutting heavily. He’s still trembling, clenching his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering. 

_Something's wrong. The fuck am I missing?_

And then she remembers. _Blood_. _There was blood in the woods._

June grabs Nick’s shoulders again, shaking him. 

“Are you hurt?”

June scolds herself for not checking him earlier. _Wilderness triage 101. I should have checked him. Of course he wouldn’t complain._

“Show me where you're hurt.” 

June pushes up his shirt, scanning his chest and abdomen. _Dehydrated, thinner, but no wounds._

She unbuckles his belt, trying to push his pants down off his hips. _I need to check his legs and his back._ She pulls him up to a sitting position on the couch, and he grimaces, grabbing his thigh and hissing in a sharp breath. 

_Bingo._

“Pants off, Blaine.”

Nick’s brow furrows. 

June shakes her head, frustration growing with every passing second. 

She pulls him up to stand, noting that he’s bearing all of his weight on his left leg. She kneels, jerking his pants down, her eyes widening when she sees the angry wound on his right thigh. Clearly infected. The skin is hot and red, the center covered in foul smelling yellow goop. 

“The fuck happened?!”

“..got shot.” He mumbles, swaying on his feet.

June closes her eyes, pressing her lips together. Forcing herself to wait a few seconds before responding. _Anger won’t help anything._ She blows out a slow breath, keeping her voice even. “Next time you get shot. That’s something you should tell me, ok? Before I…” _hike you through a field on a wounded fucking leg Godfuckingdamnit, Nick._

“We gotta get this cleaned up. Sit down, I’ll boil some water.” 

June unzips her medical kit, setting out the antibiotic shot, Rocephin, 1 gram. He’d need medical attention, but this would be a good start. She gives him the antibiotic shot and a shot of Toradol for fever. She sets out the rubbing alcohol and the dressing supplies. 

“Bullet still in there?” She asks, more to herself than to him. She checks the back of his thigh, relieved to see an exit wound. _Much smaller. Not infected._

She brings the dish of boiled water into the room, setting it on the floor. Nick’s finally sitting up, looking a bit better. _The fever must have broken._

June wets a kitchen towel, wringing it out. Nick sits up, taking it from her. He moves slowly, wiping the obvious dirt off his skin, but hissing in a breath when he gets close to the edge of the wound. 

“Easy there, tough guy” June says, taking the rag back, rinsing it and wringing it out again. “Let me do it.” 

Nick doesn’t fight her. He shifts back on the couch. Watching her as she gets him cleaned up. 

“How’d you find them?” He murmurs, hissing as June cleans the skin again, this time with alcohol. 

“Tracked them. Listened to police scanners. Talked to locals about the tire tracks, who owned what trucks around here. Sorry it took so long.”

Nick nods as a smile starts at the corner of his mouth. “You did good. I don’t even know where the fuck we are.”

June fights a smirk, focusing on his leg. “I learned from the best.” 

It was true. Nick taught all of the soldiers how to track and hunt, how to survive in the wild.

June looks up when she realized that he hasn't replied. 

Nick's staring at her. Something heavy in his eyes. 

June blushes, clearing her throat. She finishes his wound dressing. “I hiked here because it was less conspicuous, but I’ve got a radio. We’ll call in the morning. Our guys will pick us up. There’s no fucking way you’re walking back on this busted leg.” She shoots him a look. 

Nick smirks. “I could make it.” 

June rolls her eyes. _You probably could._ “They’ll pick us up. End of conversation. Let me get you some water.”

He’s asleep again when she gets back.

\----------------------------------------

June hears birds chirping. She blinks her eyes open, blinded by the sunlight streaming in through the farmhouse windows. She sits up, in a hard wooden chair in the living room. 

She blinks, rubbing her eyes. She stretches the stiffness out of her neck and yawns deeply. 

She crosses the room, sitting on the floor in front of Nick again. _He looks better. His color is back._

She feels a pull, a tightness in her chest. Feelings she doesn't want to acknowledge. _I don't want to go back to secrets and hiding. Back to pretending that we're nothing. You're so much more to me than that, now._ June blinks rapidly, pushing down the urge to cry. She blows out a breath. _Get your shit together, Osborne._

“June.”

She’s startled to hear her real name-it had never crossed his lips before. Even more unsettling is his voice, soft and gravely from sleep. Deep and melodic, like soothing tones from a cello. Her sadness swells. _This is the only day we’ll ever wake up together._

“Hey.” She says, forcing a smile. 

A smile spreads over Nick’s face. He chuckles softly to himself. He holds his hand out. June stands, walking toward him slowly. Once she’s within range he grabs her shirt and pulls her down on top of him. He hugs her, nuzzling her neck lazily, like they have all the time in the world. 

June feels herself stiffening. _We can't stay here. We gotta get back. You need more medicine._ Her sadness is overwhelming- a heavy grief for what they could have been in a different universe where they weren’t at war. For a future that could never be. 

Nick watches her face, reading her eyes. He leans in, kissing her softly, and June can’t stop tears from spilling down her cheek. Nick pulls away, concerned. He wipes her tears with his thumb. “Hey- talk to me. Whats wrong?.”

June shakes her head. _I_ _don’t want to go back. I want to stay somewhere like this with you. Just the two of us._

Nick’s brow wrinkles together. He kisses her again, and this time there’s heat to it. His hands move to her neck and shoulders, his breath hitching as he deepens it. 

June’s eyes clench shut. She feels goosebumps rising on his forearms, and a similar wave of electricity spreads over her skin. It feels so good. It’s exactly what she needed. A distraction to help her forget her pain. She lets her grief fall away, kissing Nick fiercely. Letting his lips, his skin, be her entire world. Grounding herself, hiding in him. 

Nick lips are on her neck, kissing every inch of skin her can reach. His kisses wander to her chest. He nuzzles against her, breath hot through the cotton fabric, kissing the soft curves beneath it. Palming and caressing her breasts- his breaths shuddering and shallow.

June realizes she's laying on his injured leg. She gasps, sitting up. “Oh God, your leg- I’m sorry.”

Nick pulls her back into a kiss, shifting to wedge his good thigh between her legs. He presses into her, rocking in a slow rhythm. Nick pulls her hips into a rhythm, urging her to take what she needs from him. June moans deeply into their kisses, moving too, pressing down onto his leg as if it was so much more. 

They kiss feverishly, moving together, growing damp and hard for each other. June’s sounds electrify Nick. Every whimper, every gasp sets him on fire. He’s kissing her faster, moaning too. 

And then something snaps. He's under her shirt, squeezing her breasts. He pushes her shirt and bra up urgently, freeing her breasts and he’s kissing them greedily, grinding his hips harder into her, as if they were making love. His movements carnal and desperate. She can feel him. His desire. Hard and thick and ready for her. She needs him, urgently, more than she’s ever needed anything. June needs him naked. She needs her clothes off. She tugs her shirt off and Nick does the same, quickly shucking his shirt as she works to unbuckle his belt. He works at hers just as quickly, pushing them off her hips, down as far as he can, grabbing handfuls of her soft ass and moaning deeply as he kisses her again.

June breaks away, standing quickly to remove her boots and socks and kick her pants and underwear off. Nick hikes his clothes down too, kicking them off.

He sits up on the couch, reaching for her hand again, pulling her back to him. 

June climbs onto his lap, straddling him, kissing him hungrily. Nick feels her slick heat spread over him. Scorching hot and so ready for him. He hugs her tight, needing her as close as possible. The kiss lasts and lasts.

When June finally pulls back, she feels drunk. They stare into each other with lidded, dilated eyes. She rises up on her knees and Nick reaches between them, positioning himself for her. June holds his gaze as she sinks down, her mouth falling open in bliss as she takes him in. His brows pinch together and he bites his lip to try and stay quiet out of habit. Nick’s hands fly to her hips, sliding over her curves in sensuous worship. His mouth is open against hers, barely breathing, until she kisses him, reconnecting. He kisses her back deeply, holding her face. 

“Does it hurt?” She whispers against his lips. 

Nick shakes his head. “...feels so good…” he whispers. 

“You too.” She murmurs with a shiver. 

June starts a slow serpiginous movement with her hips. Nick presses up into her thrusts, pulling her hips down to him. They move like this again and again, building an unbearable pleasure together. Burning and erotic. 

_I missed you._ The thought repeats in her mind, louder and louder and she’s weak. Intoxicated by him. And she can’t stop it from coming out. 

“I missed you.” She whispers. “I thought…” she leans forward, kissing him hard to stop herself from saying something stupid. _I thought you were dead._ Tears run down her cheek in a steady river. 

Nick breaks the kiss, pressing his forehead to hers. “I love you.” 

June pulls back, frozen, searching his eyes. _Terrified_ . Because so many men before him had tricked her with those words. But she finds no lie in his eyes. She’s speechless. _I love you too._ She wants to say it back, scream it to the sky, over and over- but she can’t make a sound. 

She pulls him into a desperate kiss and their bodies move together, quicker, harder, their hands and mouths desperate. _I love you, Nick. I love you so much._

June is thankful they’re alone. She couldn’t have been quiet if she tried. 

\-------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Months later, back at the camp, things are back to normal. Nick and June are racing again. Nick pulls several body lengths in front of June as they cross the finish line. 

His brows furrow instantly, as he catches his breath. It was the first time he’d beat her in years. Something was off. 

He shakes his head. “Osborne. You ok?”

June’s bent over, hands on her knees, looking pale. She shakes her head seconds before her breakfast comes back up. She spits before standing up. She looks up to see Nick staring at her, face etched with worry. 

“You sick?” he asks, searching her face. 

June shakes her head, wiping her mouth. 

Nick crosses to her, standing close, voice low. “Hey. Talk to me.”

“I’m fine.” She says. 

Nick holds her gaze, placing his hands gently on her shoulders. The contact runs through June like a current. He never touched her in public. She closes her eyes, melting into his touch. When she opens her eyes, his face has softened. 

“I’m late.” She says softly, staring at the ground, like it was the worst thing imaginable. Quiet enough for only him to hear. “I’m never late. I’m like clockwork normally so-”

A moment passes in silence. She glances up to find Nick’s brow furrowed, his eyes unfocused as he processes what she said. “...what?” He murmurs. 

“I think I’m pregnant. Just a few weeks.” She falls silent. 

Nick’s face is unreadable. _Fuck. she thinks. It’s over, isn’t it. Just like that..._ Her thoughts are stopped as Nick steps to her, kissing her passionately. He pulls her into his arms, lifting her off the ground, hugging her tight. The unfettered public affection takes her off guard. When he sets her down and pulls back, he’s wearing a wide grin, the first she’d ever seen.

She blushes, rolling her eyes. “What?”

Nick smiles. “I can’t wait.”

“What?” She searches his eyes. 

“Just think of what we can be. The three of us. A real family.”

June stares at him, praying this is real. “Yeah?”

Nick nods, pulling her into another hug and dropping a kiss on the top of her head.


	10. Military AU Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June is self conscious and uncomfortable with her changing body. She's never been more beautiful to Nick.

June’s stomach churns as the cook plops a lump of “mashed potatoes” onto her tray. Perfectly circular, perfectly white. Her morning sickness is better, but watching the cloudy gravy congeal against the cold metal tray is enough to ruin her appetite. She sighs, knowing she has to try and eat something for the baby _._

June turns, scanning the dining hall for an empty seat. But her stomach churns again when she feels greasy, prying eyes roaming over her body.

June already feels disgusting and she's only 5 months pregnant. Her body is no longer her own. Her once flat, muscular stomach is rounded. Soon she'll have to ask around to borrow larger pants to fit her new shape. Her posture and balance are changing to accommodate the baby, making her back ache all the time. She gets out of breath more easily. She can still run, but she can’t push herself like before. It's like carrying a weight. An anchor, a shackle. _A parasite inside my body, draining me._ June shakes her head to clear the thought. Chastising herself. She has no one to talk to, being the only woman of childbearing age in the camp. There are no friends, no sisters or aunts to commiserate with. No one to tell her if the claustrophobia, the revulsion at her own body was normal, or if she was already a shitty mother.

She tried not to think about how much worse it would all get before the pregnancy was over. She’d work until the baby came, then take a 6 month maternity leave. Most of it would be unpaid so she needed to work as long as she could. She tried not to think about everything that could go wrong out here in the woods, an hour from the nearest hospital. _Pre-eclampsia. Breech. Preterm labor._ A quiet, desperate terror crept into her heart. She hated this feeling. Being vulnerable. Helpless. _Weak_. 

Her eyes clench shut. _Not weak. Fuck that. Not yet. Not ever._

When she opens her eyes, everyone's staring at her. _The fuck are you looking at? What I’m eating? No. That’s not it._ The probing, slimy, uninvited stares linger on her body. Her rounded belly. Her arms, her breasts. She could almost hear the silent calculations. Judgments. That she’d gained too much weight, or not enough. That she was still attractive, or she wasn’t. Were these thoughts just in her mind, or everyone else’s too? No way to know.

She feels her hands shaking with rage. _Stop. Fucking. Looking at me._ June slams her tray on an empty table and heads for the door. Appetite gone. Sick. Disgusted.

June walks quickly for her tent, clenching her jaw to steady her quivering lip. _Don’t cry. Don’t fucking cry. Not here. Get your fucking shit together, Osborne._

She doesn’t hear Nick following her out of the dining tent. She doesn’t hear him calling after her, or jogging to catch up with her. She isn’t aware of him at all until he steps in front of her, blocking her path. His brow is furrowed, his eyes searching hers. “Hey, you ok?”

June glares at his chest, refusing eye contact. She shakes her head once, tightly. Trying to focus on her anger so she won’t cry here out in the open. 

Nick tentatively steps closer, gently stroking up and down her arms in a soothing motion. When she’d left so suddenly he wondered if she was getting sick again. Her nausea had been bad. There wasn’t much he could do, but he didn’t want her to suffer alone. 

“June” he tried again softly. “Talk to me. Please. What’s wrong?” 

June feels the tears welling up again and knows she can’t stop them this time. She pushes him away, needing to leave, to get somewhere private. She can’t have anyone see her weak. Not even Nick. She walks quickly, not stopping until she reaches her tent. 

When Nick comes in a few seconds later, June’s sitting on her cot, head in her hands, sobbing silently. 

Nick approaches warily, sitting next to her. Lost for words. 

He hadn't told her that he was fucking terrified too. About everything that could go wrong. About his total lack of experience with kids and pregnancy. He was completely out of his league. But he wanted to be there for her. That was the one thing he could control.

He puts a gentle hand on her back, rubbing gently. Needing her to know he’s there. 

June stands up, shoving his hand off. “Don’t touch me!” 

Nick stares at her, brows cinching further together. “June, you’re scaring me. What’s the matter?”

“No one’ll fucking say it.” She says, wiping her tears, gesturing back at the dining hall. “But they don’t have to say it, Nick. I already know how disgusting I am. Weak and ugly and now this…” She says, gesturing vaguely at her belly. 

Nick blinks as pieces start clicking together in his mind. He looks down, shaking his head and fighting a smirk. 

This enrages June. “The fuck is so funny, you wanna stare too?”

Nick stands slowly. Something in his eyes has changed. It’s subtle but she feels a different energy coming off of him. He’s not nervous anymore. 

He walks closer to her, stopping a step away. His presence is calming, even before he touches her. Like he’s emitting some pheromone made to calm women in this exact scenario. His eyes soften as he admires her, taking in the new, soft curves June had complained about moments before. He places his hands on her hips, and a current of soothing energy passes through his palms, relaxing her. 

June rolls her eyes and shoves him again for good measure. Still wanting a fight. Needing catharsis to clear her mind. But Nick refuses to take the bait. He pulls her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. He tilts his head, eyes closing as he breathes in her scent, releasing a shuddering breath. When he finally speaks, his voice is low and velvety in her ear. “You look amazing.”

June tries to shove him off her, but he holds her tight. Gently rocking them side to side. The movement is hypnotic. Soothing. He’s nuzzling her neck. Ghosting light kisses and whispering against her skin. “So. Fucking. Sexy.” 

The ache in June's chest softens. “You don’t have to pretend.” She mumbles. 

Nick lifts her chin until her eyes find his. They’re brimming with love and desire. He cups her face and kisses her. Deeply and urgently, like he’s starving for her. June feels him stirring, stiffening already. Her heart races. _He wants me._

Nick breaks the kiss to whisper in her ear “you have no idea. How hard it is. Not to touch you in front of everyone.” His voice is rough and gravely, lighting her on fire. His hands roam to her soft backside, kneading greedily, then up her back, working quickly to unfasten her bra. 

June forgets why she was mad. She honestly can’t remember. There was a reason. A good reason to be really pissed off. But all she can think of is his mouth on her collarbone, breath hot and ragged as he worships her body. His hands kneading her curves possessively. Almost too rough. His rock fucking hard erection so close to where she needs him the most. And all the while, his deep seductive voice praising her. 

Their lovemaking had always been quiet. It had to be. Quiet and private and fast.

But Nick isn't quiet now. He’s more turned on than she’s ever seen him. Trembling and covered in goosebumps. Skin burning hot under her hands. _He wants me. More than ever. Just like this. He’ll want me no matter how I change_. That thought extinguishes her anger completely. 

June finally kisses him back, fumbling to unfasten his belt. Nick moans into her mouth, kissing her deeper. He’s lifting her up, hiking her legs around his back and walking them to her cot, laying her down. He’s on top of her, kissing her and moving between her legs, grinding against her, lost in the moment.

Suddenly, he freezes, lifting up to support his weight, eyes searching hers with a question. June shakes her head, reassuring him breathlessly. “It’s ok. It won’t hurt the baby.” She pulls his face to hers, kissing him hard and laying back, pulling him back down on top of her.

Nick works quickly to pull his shirt off, then hers. His mouth is open, panting in anticipation as he pushes her pants down, then his, best he can, kicking them to the floor.

He wraps his arms around her, holding her close as he enters her. It's bliss. Perfection. And he lets her know how good it feels. He doesn’t hold back. He hopes everyone hears. How fucking good it feels to be with her.

June holds his sculpted shoulders, sliding her hands down his muscular back to his perfect ass. Her head arches into the pillow, a wide smile on her face when he starts fucking her in earnest, hard and deep. She drinks in the sounds of her lover, coming undone in her arms.


	11. Ghosts: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if June stayed in the van at the end of S2?  
> What if she and Holly made it safely to Canada?  
> What if she started over and built a life after the wreckage of Gilead?  
> What if she ran into Nick 10 years later?

June ducks under the awning of her favorite Toronto coffee shop. Snow pours down around her in heavy sheets. 

_“Light flurries”_ _they said._ _We’ll be snowed in for days if this keeps up._ She stomps her boots on the welcome mat, removing as much snow as she can. 

It’s a relief to step into the warm pastry scented air. It’s loud inside, bustling with hipsters getting in out of the cold. 

She comes here every weekend. It reminds her of her favorite cafe in Boston- downstairs from her office. She used to hide there when work got hectic. 

_A million years ago. Another lifetime. Before Gilead. Before everything went to shit._

June blinks herself back to the present. More people are trying to push into the shop behind her. She’s blocking their way. 

June apologizes with a smile and moves to the counter. 

After placing her order she shifts to the end of the coffee bar to wait. 

Something catches her peripheral vision. Her heart flutters with delusional hope that's all too familiar.

She fixes her eyes on the floor, as her therapist had taught her to do when she was triggered. She draws three deep breaths. _It’s not him._ She repeats this mantra in her mind until the feeling passes. 

_It's gotten bad lately._

Black cars. Dark haired men. Men in black clothes. Cigarette smoke. Her heart looked for him in shapes and shadows everywhere. 

_But it’s never him. And I don’t need my heart broken this early on a Saturday._

Her chest aches. _Grief._ It usually takes about 20 minutes for the feeling to clear up once she’d thought of anything even remotely close to _him_. 

But some days are worse than others. 

Sometimes just the knowledge that he had existed, that he’d been hers in a former life was enough to ruin a whole week. 

At least she was getting her feet back under her. Getting better at focusing on _facts_. The things she knew for certain.

He’d gotten her and Holly out of Gilead 10 years ago on the night of the fires. 

That was all she really knew for sure. 

When her quivering heart screams, demanding to know where he is- she replies with the truth. _I don’t know. I don’t know anything. He could be dead. On the wall for helping a handmaid escape._

June closes her eyes, trying to breathe through the tempest in her mind. _God it’s bad today._

Sometimes she can’t ignore the feeling until she indulges it. She sighs. _Fine. Just a peek. But it won't be him. It never is._

June looks up- scanning the shadow that had triggered her distress. _Slender male. Tailored black peacoat. Probably from Target. Jeans. Black work boots. Dark hair- pompadour._ Her brows clench. She’s searching for evidence. Some detail to save her from this hellish daydream, the fantasy that it could be him. 

“June” calls the barista. 

June blinks herself out of her thoughts, thankful for the distraction. She leans forward, accepting her coffee. She scans the shop. A family is leaving a corner table in the back, and she swoops in, wiping the crumbs and settling in. She removes her coat and pulls out her kindle, settling in to read. 

But she feels a presence. An energy she'd recognize anywhere, that she still feels in her dreams. 

_It can’t be._ She steels herself. _It_ _can't be him._ But when she looks up into his eyes, the whole world stops spinning.

“Nick” calls the barista. 

June’s heart drops into her stomach. If she wasn’t sitting she’d be on the floor. 

After a long silent beat she murmurs his name, lightheaded at the sound of it on her lips. He may as well have been Voldemort the way she avoided thinking it or speaking it aloud. 

Nick blinks heavily as he searches her face, brows cinching together. After an eternity, he breathes out her name too, like he’s looking at a ghost. “June?” 

She pulls her feet off the chair across from her, making space for him. “Sit here.” She says firmly. “Get your coffee first.”

“What?” He asks, dazed.

June huffs out a laugh. She suppresses a smirk. “They called you. Get your coffee. I’ll be here.”

Nick swallows, nodding, staring at her like he’s afraid to let her out of his sight. But he manages to tear himself away long to retrieve his coffee.

He sits across from June. Both of them stare awkwardly at their hands. 

_June’s eyes move from her hands to his. Specifically his left ring finger. It’s naked. No gold band to signify ownership._

_Nick stares at her engagement ring._

  
  



	12. Ghosts: Part 2

Sleep is nowhere in sight and she can’t fight it anymore. The need to check. Just in case. 

She knows Nick hasn’t texted. If he’d texted her, her phone would have vibrated. She would have heard it. 

She’d gotten his phone number. He’d taken her phone in his long slender fingers to enter it himself. Wanting to make sure it was entered correctly? That was the only explanation. He’d even sent himself a test text to make sure it went though. To make sure they were connected. 

They’d left the coffee shop shortly after that. Too many people. People looking for seats. Plus there was no way they could talk there. They’d never been comfortable speaking in public. Old habits die hard. 

But something pulls at her. Something she can’t ignore. She has to be sure. 

She shifts, turning in her partner’s arms. The man sleeping beside her stirs, snoring softly. June rolls to her side as quietly as possible. She lays still until his breathing evens out. She reaches to her bedside table, retrieving her phone, pressing it to her racing heart. 

She lingers in that sweet moment of possibility. The moment before reality crushes her again. 

She swipes, going to her texts. _His text._

Her eyes widen. An undulating ellipsis. _He’s typing._ June sits bolt upright in bed. 

Her partner reaches out, patting her thigh with a reassuring hand, asking if she’s ok. 

June can barely hear anything above the rush of blood in her ears. “Bad dream” she says, throwing back the covers. She walks quickly, locking herself in the bathroom, sliding down against the door. Watching with fascination as the ellipsis disappears, then reappears. She smiles. 

The ellipsis disappears and doesn’t return. June’s heart stops in her chest. She waits. Nothing. 

Before she can stop herself, she calls him. 

Nick picks up after the first ring. 

“What were you typing?” She asks. 

“What?”

“You were texting me just now. What did it say?”

“I um.” Nick scoffs quietly. “Just wanted to say Merry Christmas.”

June’s eyes narrow as a smirk plays at her lips. “That’s not ‘til next week.”

She can hear Nick smiling too. She can fucking _see_ it in her mind’s eye. “I know. I was gonna wait. Didn’t want to wake you. It’s late.”

“What time is it?” June asks, squinting at her phone. “Holy shit, it’s after 2.”

The line hangs in the silence. June drinks it in. Just listening to his breathing has always been enough for her. 

She needs more. “You always up this late?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Me either.”

The silence again. Heavy now.

“I’m glad you were there. Today.”

“Me too.” Nick is nodding, she knows he is. 

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

“Goodnight, Nick.”

A pained pause. “Goodnight.”

June hangs up, pressing her phone to her chest. Hot tears run down her cheek. She opens a note and writes down every word of their conversation. Looking over the words, she can hear his voice. See his face. _Feel him. Smell him._ Like fragments of an elusive dream. A precious truth she’d lost that was once again within her grasp. 


	13. Ghosts: Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 years after getting June out of Gilead- Nick escapes to Canada, only to find that June is engaged. As June prepares for her wedding, she’s haunted by memories of their affair.

_June moves silently down the path beside Mrs. Waterford’s garden, a phantom in the shadows._

_She pauses as a search light passes over her,_

_barely daring to breathe._

_She listens for guardians, but there’s no one._

_No one has seen her transgression._

_Relief washes over her._

_She looks up at Nick’s apartment window._

_His light is on._

_A beacon in the darkness, calling her home._

_She hurries up his metal staircase._

_His door is unlocked._

“June? JUNE. Earth to June.” 

June blinks absently, turning toward Moria. “Hmmm?” 

Moria’s brows cinch together. She searches June’s face with growing concern. “You feeling ok?” 

June smiles, nodding as her eyes glaze over again. “Fine. Just tired.” 

_She slips through his door,_

_locking it behind her._

_Only then does she relax a little,_

_letting her eyes wander_

_to the neatly made bed_

_and the dark haired man_

_watching her from it._

_There’s a thrill to this game._

_Barging into someone else’s space uninvited._

_But it’s her space too, now._

_Nick has made it clear_

_that he wants her here as often as she’ll come._

_Her stomach twists as she remembers all the ways he’s had her in this tiny space._

_Her heart pounds with anticipation because tonight will be entirely new._

_Never the same way twice._

_Every time the first._

_Every time the last._

_Nick’s watching her,_

_a smile playing at the corner of his mouth._

_He sets down his book, turning off the lamp on his bedside table. He takes off his wrist watch, then his boots, sliding them under his bed._

_His eyes darken as he watches her, watching him. He crosses the small space to take her mouth in a fierce, possessive kiss._

_His lips are soft and urgent against hers._

_His hands gentle and reverent on her cheeks._

_Within seconds they’re kissing so feverishly that June can barely breathe,_

_but she doesn’t want to stop._

_He tastes so good- clean and minty._

_They can’t be loud, so they compensate with intensity, leaving finger-shaped bruises instead._

_June breaks the kiss, licking his neck, grazing his thundering pulse with her teeth- threatening a bite where she would never dare._

_How she wants to mark him,_

_there where Serena would see._

_So everyone would know who he belonged to._

_Instead she closes her eyes,_

_breathing in his scent._

_Nick is poor._

_He wears no cologne like the Commander._

_But his natural musk is intoxicating._

_Masculine, primal,_

_laced with phermones made just for her._

_Nick can’t wait any longer._

_His hands are already on her back, feeling for her zipper in the darkness._

_He hastily tugs it down and slips the dress off her shoulders._

_It pools around her feet and he kicks it away as he casts her bonnet aside as well._

_With his lover freed from her uniform, he wraps her in his arms, lifting her to her toes to kiss her deeper._

_He’s holding her too tight, but she wants to be handled roughly._

_Her legs are weak and useless, trembling as they are with anticipation._

_Weak and heavy with need._

_Nick’s guiding her to his bed,_

_laying her down, climbing over her, kissing her softly as he removes the last of her clothes._

_He spreads her wide, looking at her like she’s the only thing he’s ever wanted._

Moira frowns. She pulls up her sleeve, pressing her wrist to June’s forehead to check for fever. Finding none, she kneels, her face just inches from June’s. 

Moira waits patiently for June to acknowledge her presence. 

June glances up briefly, irritated by the intrusion. She shuts her eyes again, needing just a few more seconds- but Nick’s already gone. She’s alone on his bed, her arms are empty. His apartment is evaporating too, disintegrating around her like a ghost at dawn. 

June scowls and fixes a glare on Moira. “What?! Can’t I have a second alone?”

Moira picks up June’s coke can, sniffing and taking a swig. Finding no vanilla vodka, she shakes her head. Completely at a loss.

June grabs the soda can back from her friend. “Rude!”

Moira raises her eyebrows, a silent warning for June to check herself. She leans close, her voice barely above a whisper. “What’s _rude_ is inviting people to a party and ignoring them to stare at a wall. THAT’S rude. You look fucking crazy right now. Get it together. You got presents to open.”

June blinks several times as reality comes flooding back to her. She looks at the tables covered in cupcakes and appetizers. At the flowers and white lace decorations. At the groups of wealthy strangers staring at her. They murmur, looking her up and down with disapproval and amusement. 

_My wedding shower. Oh my god._

June stands quickly, smoothing her dress. Trying to get her bearings. 

Moira leans in close again. “You need to freshen up. I’ll handle them. Ok?”

June nods, forcing a smile to cover her embarrassment. She heads for the bathroom, locking the door behind her. 

Her reflection is straight out of a romance novel. Her chest is heaving, her cheeks are flushed, lips parted, eyes dilated and glassy. 

She leans forward quickly to splash her face with cold water. It’s good. Sobering. 

She dries her face, realizing it isn’t the only place she’s uncomfortably damp. 

After freshening up, touching up her makeup, she’s grateful her heart has stopped racing. She forces slow deep breaths, but the flicker lingers in her chest, like a pilot light waiting to be reignited. 


	14. Ghosts: Part 4

June takes one last look in the mirror, forcing the corners of her mouth up into a smile. 

The eyes staring back are haunted, but no one here would notice that she feels dead inside.

As soon as she returns to the party, she’s surrounded by a flock of women. “Darling, what _happened?_ Are you alright? Too much to drink? Are you pregnant? How far along _are_ you? Second thoughts about the wedding?” 

Others stand within earshot, sipping champagne, thirsty for gossip. 

June reassures them all that she’s fine. 

Moira pushes through the crowd, taking a protective stance at June’s side. “Okay! Who’s ready to open some presents?” Ignoring the glares, she steers June away from the vultures, swiping two glasses of champagne from the snack table. She knocks one back and hands the other to June. 

Moira guides June to the gift table, overflowing with ornate packages sparkling with white and silver ribbons. 

A single chair waits for her.

June’s stomach twists. She’d tried to get out of this. It’s stupid. She doesn’t _need_ anything. Shit. After Gilead? The only thing she _needs_ is agency over her body. 

She had a wedding shower with Luke, but that was different. They were broke. They had nothing of their own. They needed appliances. But that was a hell of a party. All of their friends eating takeout, drinking wine and laughing too loud. The gift cards and cash made a world of difference as they started their life together. She felt excited, loved and supported. 

This is something else entirely. There are no friends here, only _strangers_ , cold and indifferent, forming a perimeter around her like prison guards. 

June feels a panic attack coming on. She grabs Moira’s wrist too hard. Moira reads her expression, worried. “What’s wrong? You ok?” June stares at her, unable to speak. She shakes her head tightly. 

Moira nods, squeezing her hands. “I’ll sit with you. You can do this. Then we’ll get margaritas. Deal?”

June nods tightly, praying for Moira to hurry. She focuses on the rise and fall of her breath, letting everything else fall away, just like her therapist taught her. _I’ve been triggered. I don’t want to be here. I feel trapped. Being trapped reminds me of Gilead. But this isn’t Gilead. I can leave if I want to. I’m not a slave anymore. All of that is in the past. I can come and go as I please. This is Canada. I’m safe._ It works. Her brain takes up the new mantra. _This isn’t Gilead._ June takes one last slow breath.

Moira strides over to take a chair from the semi-circle facing June. The inlaws clutch their pearls- _horrified_ that someone would dismantle their carefully designed seating arrangement! Moira smiles widely. “Someone’s got to record what she gets for thank you cards!” 

Moira drags the chair behind her. June’s eyes fix on the chair legs, scraping across the wooden floor. 

_Nick’s wooden floor._

It’s happening again. _A trigger._ Hijacking her brain. Transporting her back in time. Only...for once- the memory is _good_ . _Intoxicating_ , even. 

_Nick drags the chair across his apartment,_

_setting it down next to June._

_Pausing there, just inches away from her._

_His naked chest rises and falls,_

_eyelashes fluttering as he blinks,_

_His mouth so close to her own_

_that she can feel his breath on her lips._

June blinks. There IS someone inches from her face, but it’s Moira, whispering through a tight smile, barely loud enough for June to hear.

“Sit. The. Fuck. Down.” 

June sits, minimizing the memory like a window on a computer screen. She should close it out entirely, but fuck that. Specifically, fuck this party and these people. She doesn’t owe them shit. The least she can do is get a little buzz on to get through this. June fights a smirk. It’s good to have a secret. 

Moira sets the first gift on June’s lap. June checks the tag. “This is from Mr. and Mrs. Jessup.” Moira scribbles down the name dutifully. June runs her fingers over the ornate silver wrapping paper. _Williams Sonoma. Professionally wrapped. Way too expensive._ She tears the paper away. It’s a blender. A really fucking expensive one. Like- _a thousand dollar blender_. _Jesus Christ._ She looks up, forcing a smile. “Thank you so much.” June feels bile rising. _What do they think they’re buying? Loyalty?_ She blinks the thought away, dialing up her daydream, like watching two screens at once. She feels better already, _safer,_ imagining herself in Nick’s apartment. Why not. Fantasy helped her survive Gilead, it can help here too. She sinks into the feeling, letting it surround her like a warm blanket. She decides to start the memory at the beginning. She can’t remember why he was shirtless. Such an important detail. 

_After making love countless times that first night_

_they lie entwined in silence._

_Nick traces her shoulder, playing gently with her hair._

_June is wrapped around him,_

_soothed by his steady heartbeat_

_and the rise and fall of his chest._

_Her eyelids flutter when she hears his shower starting._

_Her eyes open wide as she realizes where she is,_

_sitting bolt upright as the previous night flashes through her mind._

_She curses under her breath,_

_chastising herself for being so careless._

_She jumps up, gathering her clothes quickly,_

_determined to slip out before he returns._

_She almost makes it, too._

_She’s almost completely dressed,_

_struggling to put a boot on, hopping on one foot to keep her balance_

_when she realizes the shower is off._

_She looks up._

_Nick’s leaning against the wall by his bathroom,_

_arms crossed across his chest,_

_naked except for the black towel_

_slung low around his hips._

_His eyes glittering with amusement._

_June looks away quickly, rolling her eyes. “Something funny?”_

_Nick quirks an eyebrow, nodding to himself._

_He walks to his kitchen table and gets a chair,_

_crossing the small space and setting it beside her._

_June realizes he’s trying to help._

_So she doesn’t fall._

_She sits._

_Nick kneels down to help with her boot._

_Only he’s taking it off, setting it aside._

_She sees a desperate storm of emotions in his eyes as his fingers linger on her calf._

_June’s cheeks burn. Her heart is beating too fast._

_She shakes her head once, tightly, not understanding._

_Nick pushes her dress up,_

_watching her expression carefully_

_exposing her thighs to the chilly morning air._

_June whispers “I’ve got to go.”_

_Nick shakes his head. “Not yet.”_

_She stares back at him, helpless, chest heaving._

_She gasps as his fingers brush her center._

_She’s soaking wet, embarrassingly swollen, and there’s no hiding it._

_Something changes on his face._

_There’s something else in his eyes now._

_Hunger. Dark and predatory._

_“We can’t” she murmurs, “There’s no time.”_

_But she’s encouraging him._

_Caressing his forearm as he pleasures her softly, tracing the muscles as they dance underneath his skin._

_His expression is pained as he watches her expression changing._

_June’s nails dig into his forearm._

_“It’s ok” he murmurs, his own heart racing.“It’s ok.”_

_He pushes her legs apart, his eyes never leaving hers_

_as he drops soft kisses on her thighs._

_Moving upward until he reaches_

_her shapeless linen undergarments_

_and he kisses her through them with increasing urgency._

_Gently worshiping her where she needs him most._

_Intoxicated by her scent._

_His kisses are just a whisper._

_A taste of what’s to come._

_How long has it been since a man kissed her there?_

_Another lifetime. Or maybe this is the first time._

_She can’t remember. She’s never felt anything like this before._

_She can barely breathe and he hasn’t even tasted her yet._

_Just then Nick licks her slit through her panties._

_June’s head arches back._

_She’s pulling his head toward her with both hands._

  
  


Moira jabs June in the ribs, spurring her back to the party. June realizes she’s fisted the curly ribbon of the gift between her legs and was seconds from humping the box like a dog in heat. 

She looks up, and her audience is smiling greedily. Pleased to be witnessing some sort of breakdown. 

June focuses her eyes just long enough to check the tag. “This one is from Ms. Addison.” She murmurs. She tears away the paper, revealing a Keurig coffee maker. “Thank you so much, I love coffee.” 

She hands the gift to Moira. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore.” 

Murmurs and gasps ripple through the crowd. June stands quickly, retreating to the privacy of the bathroom and locking the door behind her. She splashes water on her face and neck, pulling several deep breaths. 

It doesn’t work. 

Her skin is burning. She grabs the sink to steady herself, closing her eyes. 

_Nick hooks the waistband of her undergarment._

_June lifts her hips, letting him pull it off._

_He scoots her to the edge of the chair and_

_begins eating her out in earnest._

_It’s excruciating._

_His mouth is perfect._

_Soft and hot and sweet._

_She fists his curls, knees fighting to close around him as her legs quake with pleasure._

_A needy growl rumbles in his chest_

_He throws her knees over his shoulders to keep her legs apart._

_His fingers dig into her hips, holding her still while he rocks his face against her,_

_his movements growing frenzied._

_She’s pulling his hair, riding his face in a steady rhythm._

_They’re moving together in perfect synergy_

_When she comes, it’s blinding._

_He slows but doesn’t stop._

_Helping her through it_

_Prolonging her pleasure_

_Because he doesn’t ever want to stop._

_She has tears of desperation in her eyes._

_She pulls Nick’s mouth up to hers, whimpering needily,_

_Needing more of him._

_Certain she’ll die if she can’t have him inside her._

_He needs it too. He can’t take it any longer._

_He’s never been so turned on._

_It physically hurts._

_He carries her to his kitchen counter,_

_unzipping her dress violently, jerking it down enough to free her breasts,_

_kissing her furiously as he palms them._

_June’s hands shake as she unknots the towel and shoves it off his hips,_

_down to a pile at his feet._

_She’s pumping his cock as_

_Nick kisses her feverishly,_

_pushing her dress up around her waist._

_When their bodies come together again the relief is intense._

_If they were alone they’d both have cried out at the feeling._

_Instead they kiss hard in silence, teeth clashing, greedy hands everywhere as_

_he moves inside her-_

_his cock buried to the hilt in her heat._

_Nick breaks the kiss to stare at June._

_Their shaky breaths mix together as they watch eachother in awe,_

_just as they had the night before._

_She slides her hands down the soft fur of his low back to cup his clenched buttocks._

_Exploring this forbidden body one last time,_

_This perfect stolen thing she can never have again._

_She kneads his ass, pulling, urging him on._

_Nicks deepens his thrusts,_

_gripping her hips roughly._

_Fucking her hard and fast,_

_his brows clenched tight together._

_He curses softly under his breath,_

_knowing he can’t last like this._

_It’s too damn good._

_He buries his face in her neck,_

_his eyes squeezing shut,_

_breath stopping as he comes HARD._

_After a long moment, his muscles soften as he catches his breath._

_June nuzzles his cheek and drops a soft kiss there._

_That softness is the most shameless thing she’s done here tonight._

_Nick searches her face,_

_his eyes shimmering with matching emotion._

_He reaches between them, his calloused thumb pad finding her swollen clit._

_June gasps. “We have to stop.”_

_Nick smirks devilishly, his eyes low and drugged. “No we don’t.”_

_June pulls him into a frantic kiss, nails digging into his shoulders._

_It takes less than a minute._

She comes hard, gripping the sink with one hand, pussy clenching hard around her own fingers. 

Her eyes fly open and shame washes over her. 

She washes her hands quickly, adjusts her clothes, and checks herself in the mirror. She’s a mess. It can’t be fixed this time. 

She pulls out her phone. Moira’s already texted her. “I told them you had food poisoning. Everyone’s gone. I’ll bring the presents by your house later.”

June texts back. “Thanks. You’re a life saver.”

She looks in the mirror again. Her sweaty hair is stuck to her head and her eye makeup is smeared. 

But for the first time in years, she recognizes the woman smiling back at her. She looks fucking fierce. She feels alive. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please read the comment threads below. 
> 
> @ZoeBartlett is an English teacher. She can’t stand grammatical errors. She WILL find them and point them out.
> 
> THAT is NOT the problem.
> 
> The problem is that she has ignored my repeated requests for her to not comment on my work. She keeps contacting me even though I’ve asked her to stop. 
> 
> Most importantly: she shames me for my emotional reactions to her unwanted contact.
> 
> She tells me to toughen up. That her influence will make me stronger.
> 
> She watches me on other platforms. Reddit. Tumblr.
> 
> She says I shouldn’t post her comments. They can be just between us. I shouldn’t tell anyone.
> 
> These are classic abuse patterns, and Creepy AF.
> 
> Yes, it’s just in the context of fic. Luckily this isn’t actually the abuse I survived in the past. Even if the emotional manipulation and gaslighting patterns are identical.
> 
> I can’t block her on this site or I would have. She clearly gets off on this dynamic. I have no hope it will stop.
> 
> I just want others to see what this pattern looks like. It really helped me to understand past and present toxic relationships. If someone in your life talks to you like this- Please know you aren’t alone. It’s not ok. The other person has the problem, not you.


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